Sometimes it’s all too much

Sometimes it’s all too much, I know. 

If you live in the heartland of this beautiful country, you’ll know first-hand that Australia is in the grip of a crisis… the drought: an overwhelming crisis of epic proportions. 

Last month, it all got a bit much for poor ol’ positive Lucy, and she had a meltdown about the silliest thing. 

Typically, a few things went wrong in her day and her plans changed. She adapted, as she always does. She also tidied up, washed up, dished food up, did washing, did some paperwork, made some phonecalls. She fixed a fence, fed some sheep, cleaned troughs. In the afternoon, she completed the daily routine of feeding the calves, the lambs, the chook, the dogs and the horses, and made sure they all had water. While she was thinking, how the hell are we going to keep going, the dust blew in from the West, and half the washing she’d done flew off the clothesline and landed on the ground where there used to be grass but now there’s just dirt.

I was tired. After everyone else had their bath or shower, it was my turn. And being tired with a head full of dust, I felt like taking a shower. 

That’s when we ran out of water. 

I hugged the towel around me and I cried myself to sleep. 

Next day, I felt better – the new day brought with it a renewed sense of optimism, but as the day progressed, everything that looked at me needed to be acted upon or, it pleaded to be fed, and outside, the dust started to come at me again. My heart felt jumpy and I felt like crying.

I walked inside, took a deep breath, and before I could talk myself out of it, I rang up Beyond Blue. She asked me something simple, like: “What’s the reason for your call?”

I told her: “I’m tired. I’m just so tired.” Then I cried like a big fat baby for about 30 minutes while I dumped all of my worries onto her. And just so you know, I have loads of friends – beautiful, wonderful and kind-hearted friends who I know would gather me up in a bear hug if I asked. I’m married to my best friend, a hard-working and devoted bloke. But everyone is busy, and everyone is stressed. Busier than ever, and stressed more than ever. 

I worry about them all. 

So this day, I chose to look after myself first, so I could keep looking after everyone else, and I can honestly tell you, it helped. 

October is Mental Health Awareness Month. 

I don’t feel shame for struggling, for crying, for reaching out – and nor should you. These are the things that make us human. 

Look after yourself, first and foremost. You owe yourself the time and love that you willingly and freely give to others. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and you can’t feed from an empty bucket.

#Beyondblue 1300224636